Ruby's Birth Story

Ruby Anna 

Ruby's birth story begins at about midnight on June 15th.  I was up late trying to get some last minute nesting things done and planning what I was going to do at school on the last day for teachers (luckily I had most of my things done that needed to be done).  I had plans for running a few last errands and baby projects the following day as well.  As soon as I laid down in bed the heartburn hit me.. it was serious, so bad I actually thought about running to the bathroom a few times to throw up. Yuck! I laid there agonizing over the sleep I was not getting when finally (after a few tums didn't work) I decided to head to the recliner to try sleeping in an upright position.  My mom had stayed the night (luckily!) so that she could watch Leo first thing while I went to work.  I did manage to fall asleep around 2:30ish a.m.  I woke up around 4 am needed to pee.  As a very pregnant person, I debated with myself if I had to go bad enough to get out of the chair, sleep won out and I dozed off again.  At about 4:30 I woke up REALLY needing to go.  Now this is probably TMI but I started to get up and felt a little tiny bit of wetness.  Had I just peed?  I couldn't be sure but I knew I needed to get to the bathroom so I stood up and about 4 steps down the hall I felt a gush... (Now a little background my water didn't break until I was about 7cm dilated with Leo so definitely not the same feeling) My first thought again was "Man, my bladder must be about to burst!"  Then I thought, "or it could be my water breaking..."  two steps later, another gush and so on down the hallway, through my room, and into the bathroom.  As I still felt a strong need to pee, I was pretty sure it was my water but I thought I should make sure before waking Evan at 4:30 am.  I went to the bathroom and the gushes continued so Evan got an early morning wake-up.  As I went to start changing and wake him up... I shook him until he opened his eyes, then I casually said "My water broke."  He looked at me with a dazed, sleepy, and confused look as he tried to process what I said, and I again said "My water broke. Ruby's coming, we need to go to the hospital."  Well that got him moving much faster after he first asked, "Seriously?"  We woke my mom up, packed up a few extras into the hospital bag and headed out the door.  I hated leaving without giving Leo hugs and kisses but I had done what I could in the preceding months to prepare him for this day so I left it to God and my mom, with instructions to tell us when he woke up so we could Facetime with him.  We were at the hospital by about 5:45 and my contractions had started sometime along the way.

        Sidenote:  I had extra amniotic fluid so the risk of having a prolapsed cord was higher for me and even more so since only a few days before Ruby had been breech, which also increases that risk.  Hence, Evan and I needed to get to the hospital so I could be monitored and in the right place in case of an emergency.  At this point I was still hoping for a VBAC and while laboring some at home is generally better, I wanted to be safe in case there was an emergency.

So back to the story...  there was not enough staff on at the time to cover the birthing rooms so they kept me in triage for about 3 hours.  Evan went and got breakfast, we facetimed with Leo (who had been very upset when he woke up and went looking for us in our bedroom and found Mimi instead but seemed okay when we talked to him via facetime about Ruby arriving), watched my contractions get stronger, and finally we were given a beautiful corner birthing suite that was nice and large. My contractions were strong enough at that point that I couldn't talk through them so in between contractions and bathroom trips I was instructing the nurse and Evan how I wanted the room set up.  We had a situation with a broken rocking chair and our nurse went and "stole" a rocking chair from a nearby room with the help of the midwife on call : ) Once the midwife was there, and saw how my labor was progressing, she seemed optimistic about a VBAC... oh I forgot to add that they did a quick ultrasound and determined that Ruby was head down pretty soon after I arrived at the hospital.  When your water breaks, the medical professionals try to do as few exams as possible but it was finally time to see where I was in my labor and if  Ruby's head was presenting.  After a fairly quick exam, I was told that she couldn't really tell how far I was dilated because she had felt something soft and what possibly felt like an eyelash.  At the time I did not know what that meant but after calling the Dr. on- call in to discuss and evaluate the situation, he did a quick exam and said he felt what he thought to be a tiny nose.  Now the ideal presentation in a vaginal birth is the crown of the baby's head... some babies present with the top of their head or they have other issues but in about 1 in every 500, 0.2% of births, (I know, I love my ability to get in on these tiny statistics in relation to pregnancy and giving birth), the baby presents with their face.  Yes... Ruby had her head completely back (back of head resting on her back) and was peering out to see where she was going.  This is not an ideal position for the baby to be born in.  In addition to her screwy head position she was also sideways and her face was looking out over her left shoulder.  

My doctor, who was REALLY great and supportive of what I wanted, gave me two options with the possible scenarios attached to them.  He didn't make me feel pressured to choose either way and he seemed honestly willing to do exactly what I wanted.  My two options were to choose to proceed with a VBAC, which would entail the Dr having to try and gently push on Ruby's face to get her to pop out of the birth canal and (hopefully) when she reentered she would have her head in a better position.  My second option was a planned cesarean section (which would be less traumatic then my emergency one with Leo).  If I went for the VBAC they would give me an epidural (bigger needle!), have to do a painful and potentially dangerous adjustment of Ruby (she could come back down in the same position leading to a c-sect, the cord could prolapse leading to another emergency c-sect and there was no guarantee that Ruby wouldn't have some injuries due to all of this, it could also end perfectly and I'd have my VBAC.  With the planned c-section they would give me a spinal (smaller needle!) and, typically, recovery times from planned c-sections are better.  I would also have a guarantee that I would be awake and hear her first cries and even be able to do skin-to-skin as long as everything was going as planned in there.  After a couple of contractions and trying to discuss this with Evan (my mom had also arrived at this point after leaving Leo with Aunty Em), I decided to go with the c-section.  I decided, and I am happy with the way things turned out.  After my first birth experience, I was traumatized.  I am pretty sure I was in some state of shock for the first few weeks.  The difference between those first few weeks and these first few weeks were night and day.  I felt better after 2 days then I felt after 6 weeks with Leo.  I really wanted my VBAC, I REALLY didn't want a second c-section but that's life and I made the decision that felt right to me.

            They ushered me into the OR.  There was classical music playing, people were moving all around getting set up, the anesthesiologist was getting ready for me (eek!)  and my contractions were coming hard and fast, on top of each other and they asked me to sit still for the spinal.  I managed to, it was luckily quick but not painless (for those many people who swore to me that I wouldn't even feel or care about the needle while in labor, I beg to differ!)  They called out a few numbers, time, my name, why we were there, etc. and Evan was also brought in looking all "Dr. Evan" in his plastic suit ; ).  

I was numb up to about my ribs, it felt like anyway, and it made me oh so tired (remember only 2 hours of sleep in a chair)...  they drew up the curtain and headed in to get Ruby.  After only a short time (maybe five minutes) I heard a cry and they held Ruby just above the curtain (dropping the curtain just a tad) so Evan and I could see our beautiful baby girl.  The anesthesiologist helped get my robe unbuttoned so I could do a little skin-to-skin right there on the operating table.  

While I was lying there, listening to those first beautiful cries of my daughter, I was imagining how another operating room must have looked 2 and a half years ago; and imagining how it would have been to hear Leo's first cries (cries I learned so very well), and I cried.  I believe I healed some of those emotional scars left over from Leo's birth.  

After a few minutes, Evan cut the cord and they did the APGAR tests,  Ruby was brought to me and held to my chest while I got look at her and kiss her adorable cheeky face and talk to her and let her know that her mama and dada were right there with her.  I only got to do that for a couple of minutes before I started to feel like I was going to throw up.  I narrowly missed throwing up on Ruby as they didn't hear me the first couple of time I told them I thought I was going to. As I was now out on the skin-to-skin (for the time being), Evan got to take over and have some skin-to-skin time with her (which he prepared for prior to the surgery by not wearing a shirt under his plastic suit).  It was amazing to share that time with him as I watched him cuddle our child.  I continued to get sick but I was there, I was awake, I didn't miss it.  Ruby was (and is!) beautiful and healthy and finally here!  After they stitched me back up (and I stopped throwing up) they dolphin lifted me onto a bed, wheeled me back to my room, where they cleaned me up and handed me my daughter, from that moment on we weren't separated.  

My silly and lovable family :-)

 

We were able to talk with Leo not long after and made plans for a same day visit.  We were moved to our extended stay closet of a room and got settled in.  The first few hours of Ruby's life were spent dozing. attempting breastfeeding, and snuggling her close.  Leo, my sister, and nieces were able to come visit around 4 pm that day.  We got a great video of Leo meeting his little sister for the first time and boy was he happy to meet her.  Pretty early on after meeting her he asked if we could bring her home which we of course said yes just not today and we also broke the news that mama and dada were not coming home either.  His sweet little face just crumpled and I felt so bad but he did recover quickly.  

Ruby's birth was an adventure (like every birth).  Plans were made, and changed... we all came out of the experience healthy and happy, and it reminded me just how lucky I am to have gotten this experience.  We are so thrilled to have a second little life join our family.  

Welcome home Ruby Anna!              

                      

Junebug- Weeks 32-39

Look at those adorable cheeks!

Week 32- It is so much harder to keep my blog updated when I have a job, a 2 1/2 year old, and pregnancy.  Everything has been going smoothly in the pregnancy.  Leo and I have had more then our fair share of illnesses over the past month and a half.  I feel like combined we've only had a week free of them.  Of course, we are better off then others so I'm not complaining too much. ; )

I passed my gestational diabetes test this time around (first time)!  Yay!  I was just cleared to try for a VBAC and we are getting to the end of the pregnancy.  I still have a ways to go but it seems to be going fast.  I am both terrified of having two kids and so excited to see Leo meet her...  : ) just thinking about it makes me happy all over.

It has been very hard to stop and dream of my little Junebug.  I had a lot more free time with Leo to think and dream about the baby in my belly.  With all of Ruby's pokes and jabs, she is letting her presence be known more and more everyday.  As she moves, I find myself stopping and wondering what she is doing in there.  It also makes me think of all those newborn kicks and wiggles that are in my future.

Emotionally, I am having a lot more trouble this pregnancy... between the stress of work and wishing I had more time and energy for Leo (and Evan) I often feel like a failure and like nothing I do is right.  I hate feeling like that but whether it is all these extra hormones or just life... I am feeling horrible on a daily basis.  Don't get me wrong... there are still glimmers of light and times when I am just happy to be right where I am.  At those times, I don't feel guilty that I am not being a good mama to my son, a good wife to my husband, or a good teacher to my students but inevitably it comes crashing down when I realize that during that time I was forgetting to do something for work, home, family, or for a friend.  Generally the repercussions of my "guilt free time" lasts for a week or more...  creating more work, more stress, more guilt. It makes enjoying those moments even harder as I find myself wondering what I am NOT doing that I should be.  It's a vicious cycle folks...

Week 35- I had maternity pictures taken again this pregnancy by the same talented photographer and friend at www.photosbyejrussell.com.  We are hoping to snag her for newborn pictures before she leaves for summer vacation... all you have to do is arrive before she leaves!  See below for the amazing maternity photos.

Week 37- I started measuring big about 2 weeks ago and since I continued, I was sent in for an ultrasound.  They measured both Junebug's growth and my amniotic fluids.  While she is growing on the slightly larger side, it isn't in the realm of "too big" yet.  My amniotic fluid levels, however, are high and they seem worried.  In most cases there is no logical explanation for the high levels but there could be complications with the birth or with the baby : (   I'll just have to wait and see what they say.  My 38 week appt. is coming up and they are planning another ultrasound to make sure she is doing okay in there.  On the up side Evan and I got to see our baby girl in utero one more time!  We even got a few pictures of her.  She is a cheeky little one.  She has some hair but who knows what color and how much (we could see wisps of it though).  She had her eyes closed most of the time and only started peeking out right towards the end.  So cute!  I can't believe I'll have her in my arms in less than a month, regardless of when I have her) 

Week 38 & 39- My amniotic fluids were down some but were still higher than normal.  The technician seemed very pleased with my little baby and said my placenta looked great... no worries on that front at least.  It seems like my little Ruby Anna is nice and comfy in there.  As I will be 39 weeks tomorrow and it is also my guess date for RA's arrival.  I figured I needed to go ahead and wrap this long standing post up.  At both ultrasounds we were able to get a couple of pictures of Miss. Ruby.  It is hard to believe I will be holding her in my arms sometime in the next two weeks (maybe a smidge longer, although I hope not!)  On the professional front, I have made it through the school year, almost.  Tomorrow is the last day of school and is a half day so I don't actually have any official teaching duties tomorrow, YAY!  If I end up going tomorrow (i.e. I'm not in labor), I will get to say good-bye to my kiddos and send them off with the rest of the teachers.  I am mostly finished packing up my things and I finished my grades... I still have stuff to turn in and things to sign off on but I am in a pretty good place at this point. : )  On the home front, I have been trying to get things done every weekend but I still have what I feel is a lot to do but "ce la vei".  My mom just arrived though and is always a big help.  Basically, I am ready for my Junebug to come whether everything I wanted done is done, or not. Now onto my letter to my daughter...      

                 

Junebug,
       Every time I've thought about writing this letter to you I have been distracted.  Distracted with stress and life.  One day, you may know this feeling if you have your own kids.  You may not ever know and if that is the case, I want you to know that even within my distraction I have longed to focus on you.  I am hoping that I can do that now...  

You are my beautiful daughter and I can't wait to hold you in my arms, to see you grow into a little toddler, to grow into a little girl, a young woman, or into whatever you wish to be in life.  My one wish is that, whatever you become, you will be happy.  

I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what.  I love you so much already it feels impossible that my heart could get so big and have enough room for everyone I love so dearly.

You are being welcomed into a world of two sets of amazing grandparents.  Two loving and amazing Aunts, two amazing and lovable Uncles, four loving cousins, and last but not least a sweet big brother that loves you already and a Dada that has no idea what is about to hit him when he gets a little baby girl put into his arms.  He is pretty fantastic, by the way.  Plus, me... your Mama.  You are so loved and so wanted.  Don't ever forget that (even when your big brother tells you that you aren't...)  Older siblings can say things like that sometimes but if (or when) he does say something like that remember that he would proudly announce that his baby sister was Ruby Anna and that he would bring you a flower every time he brought me one.  Remember that he would sing to my belly, greet you with a hug or a kiss before even glancing at me, and was so excited to buy you a birthday present and that he really wanted it to be purple (although we haven't found that yet).  His tiny, BIG heart already adores you and even when you frustrate him, he will continue to adore you.

My sweet little Junebug, I love you so much and cannot wait to hold you, to kiss those sweet chubby cheeks, to count your little fingers and toes, to sing sweet lullabies to you, to rock you in my rocking chair.  I can't wait to see you roll over, to crawl, to walk, to say Mama and Dada for the first time, to hear you say Leo.  I can't wait for those first baby smiles and laughs, to see you explore and discover the world around you, to learn about all life has to offer.  Life is not always easy but it is pretty amazing...

My sweet baby girl, you are almost here. So here I sit anxiously awaiting your arrival and dreaming of you.  

I love you,  for always and forever.

Love,
Your Mama  

Leo 2+

Leo, my Leo...

Everyday you grow and get smarter.  You amaze me with your kindness, your sense of humor, and your energy.  You are learning new things at daycare and I am always amazed at how much you understand about life and the world around you.

Just the other day we were reading (singing) the Blowing in the Wind book and I was pointing out the guitar in a few of the pages.  The last page has a little girl bending over the broken guitar and the little boy handing her the red ball he has had the entire book.  There is nothing else.  You stopped me from turning the page and stared at the picture and said "she sad?" and I responded with "yes because the guitar is broken" and you repeated what I said while staring at the picture, as if trying to memorize it and imprint it on your soul.  I started to turn the page and you stopped me again and asked "What he doing?"  I said he was trying to give her the ball because he knew she was sad and wanted to make her feel better.  Again you repeated what I said and stared at the page.  I could just see the wheels turning in your head.  You repeated the entire "story" I had told you a few more times, then finally let me turn the page and finish the book.  Of course, you asked me to read it again so I did.  When we got to the page with the broken guitar you shared the story and reasoning behind the picture (a few more times).  The next night, as I was reading it again, you stopped me and I let you tell your Dada what the story was. You repeated it exactly like the night before but you added in a few details like "She crying", "they can't fix it", and "she doesn't want the ball".    You are working so hard to figure out this world we live in and I am so very happy to be here beside you as you process.  It won't always be as easy as me explaining a picture but I will always do my best to guide you.  It is memories like these that I feel like I will forget if I don't write them down.  I am sure I have already forgotten some of them.  The thought makes me sad but you are the sum of your experiences whether you (or I) remember every last one of them.  They will build upon each other far into a future I can't see. I believe you are becoming an amazing little person, with a great personality, and a wonderful sense of compassion.  I love you my sweet little guy, every second, every day.

You are going through so many changes right now...  and every change seems to make you more of a little boy and less my baby : (  We potty trained at the end of March and you have done such a good job with it.  You are still working at it to some degree but accidents are rare and I'm just amazed at how fast you picked it up!

In early May, we got you a "big boy bed" (twin mattress on the floor) and while you look so tiny in it... you wanted to sleep in it the first night and had Dada take apart your crib the second night.  I'll admit, I think you were more ready for that step than I was.  That first night you woke up a lot, mainly because you were sick with a fever, and you just about scared the crap outta me when at 2:30 a.m. I was woken up by a little toddler trying to climb up into my bed.  When I opened my eyes you smiled and said "I woke up and said time to get up! I tried to turn off fan but I can't."  Then when I asked why you woke up you said "I wet." I had forgotten about how cribs kept you nicely in one place... I'm still trying to get over the shock of seeing you waking me up!

Bottles are the next item on the hit list for "baby" things.  You only have them before going to sleep and when you wake up but we are running out of bottles that work and I'm not buying new ones.  I have some sippy cups but you are still enjoying the bottles so I haven't put up a real fight yet.  One thing for sure is that you LOVE to snuggle!  I hope that doesn't change as I know my snuggle time with you will be somewhat limited with the arrival of your baby sister. If you can make it through the first two months I know we will get into a nice routine with consistent snuggles, from Mama, for all. :)

You are so excited about your baby sister.  Your teachers at daycare tell us how you share information about your little sister and how you are going to be a big brother.  You talk about how you are going to show her everything.  You sing Baby Mine to my belly and you bring flowers to both Ruby and I when you find little dandelions or daisies.  You like to try and feel for Ruby and ask if I can make her move again.  I hope we have done everything we can to prepare you for this huge life-changing event.  It scares me that you might feel left-out or lonely but as the youngest of three, I also know how amazing it is to have siblings.  In fact, I have never known a world without my siblings so I know that giving you a sister will eventually be a good thing (even if the first few months, years?,will be hard).  You already love your little sister and I can't wait till you meet her, face to face.

My sweet angel... you made me a mama and you are everything I could have hoped for.  I love you so much.  

  

A recent shot of you flying high... It took a little bit of hemming and hawing but with just a little encouragement from us and a few nervous giggles from you, you jumped!  I hope you always feel like this when you've conquered a fear, overcome a challenge, and risen above whatever is troubling you.  You are amazing.

Love Always and Forever,
Your Mama