Happy 1st Birthday Junebug!

Dearest Junebug, (written mostly in June, fine tuned in September, and pictures added in April)

You turned 1 not so long ago and, like many things, I am late in writing this letter to you... I have always lived by the rule that it IS "better late than never", I'm sure you'll grow to appreciate this.

There have been so many times this year that I look at you and wish I had more time to focus on you.  I know you are loved and happy but I also know that I am not doing as much for you as I was for your brother at this point.  It is part of the dilemma of being a younger sibling... but as a younger sibling, I can guarantee that having older siblings means a lot more love, built in playmates, and having a friend for life.  I hope that will more than make up for any attention deficits on my part. As my second child, I will always worry that I am not giving you enough attention...  just know that I am trying and I love you every bit as much as your brother.  

Soon we will have more time to hang out, just the two of us.  I am hoping it will give you that attention I know you need and crave.  I am also hoping it will give me more time to appreciate you, to notice all the little intricacies of your personality, and to shower you with more love.  I have been trying (and will continue to try) to lay the foundation for a lifetime of listening and talking to you.  You are so beautiful and vibrant in your desires... you know what you want and you let us know (loudly!), our little screech owl. 

This year has gone by so fast.  You were here so suddenly and there were many days where I struggled just to do the bare minimum to keep us all alive and I am just now getting to the point where I feel like I have energy available for anything other than prepping for nap time!  I have loved watching you grow this past year.  You are definitely your own person...unique and smart.  You are talking more and more and using more sign language as the days go by.  When you are adamant about getting something... whether it be "more" of something or your own turn with a toy your brother is using... you look us in the eye and sign more "maa" OR you screech "MAi" aka "Mine" (and... yes all of these sound very similar and like my name, Mama).

You are so sweet and are always giving hugs and kisses.  You love to dance and your whole body starts going when you like a song.  You are already trying to jump and sometimes you can get your heels off the ground!  You love, LOVE to bounce on beds, the trampoline, or just be in our arms while we hop and dance around the room. I am loving watching you blossom into an imaginative young toddler.  You cradle your dolls, try to "put on" clothes (holding them under your chin), you make any object that looks like a rocket blast off into space with your adorable sound-effects,  you sometimes even try to fit inside doll houses and sit on doll furniture.  You are and have been the sweetest baby. 


  
It is hard to believe that just one year ago you entered my life, on the last day of work, of a long and emotional school year.  I had hopes of having a VBAC with you and everything seemed to be going okay but I was thwarted once again and had to have a c-section.  Your birth and your brother's were completely different though... I got to see you as they pulled you out... I got to snuggle your sweet face and
beautiful hair within minutes, I was able to talk to you and reassure you that you were safe.  You were so calm, so quiet in those moments.  I'll never forget how those moments both grieved me (for those moments I lost with your brother) and healed something inside me in the same instant.  In the days that followed, your very chill demeanor was proven to be a part of who you are.  As an infant, you would sometimes just gaze at your pajamas (the patterns or pictures) and sit for 20 mins in your bouncer like that.  As a toddler, you can entertain yourself for quite awhile... especially when you get interested in the kitchen set or the toy corner. You are a very independent little soul... not to say that you don't need affection and contact and lots of love (you love your snuggles) just that you are comfortable hanging out with your own thoughts and imagination.  I cannot wait to see what this upcoming year has in store for us. 
 
This year, and the year before your arrival, were two of the most challenging years of my life but they were also the two years that you became a part of my life, and for that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  You are so beautiful and unique in your little self. To get to be here, to see you learn and grow.... well, my sweet baby... that is priceless.   From the top of your precious little head to the tips of your toes, I love you.
 
Love,
Your Mama

Leo- Letter to my 3 year old

Dearest Leo,

2 years old

3 years old

I keep having thoughts about you and your life and thinking how young you seemed when I look back to just

one year ago and also how old I thought you were at the time.  I am realizing how fast it all goes... that the little boy you are today is not the same one you will be in a few months.   Elements of your uniqueness will remain, of course; but you are developing new ideas and you have experiences you can draw from to create new meaning for yourself about the world around you.  You no longer rely on me or your daddy to form your background knowledge (at least not on everything).  When we argue, you have logic I did not supply you with and even in the midst of being impressed with your mind... I find it incredibly frustrating.  Yes, my beautiful, strong-willed, smart, silly son... we have reached that point in our relationship where the frustrating and hair-pulling days often outweigh the mild, harmonious days.  It really just depends on the week... but we are both learning.  Always learning.  I miss the old days to a degree but I find a challenge in these days like I never had before.  You remind me that in order to be good enough for you, I need to continuously reassess my methods, my attitude, and the example I am setting for you.  I believe I am on the road to being a better person because of you.

Hot enough to get an early start on swimming

Taking good care of our strawberry plants.

At daycare, taking a nap.

First time bowling!

This past year has been one of enormous changes for you...   you started daycare, we potty trained you a little after you turned 2, moved you out of your crib a month later (hello big boy bed), you finished daycare, we gave you a little sister very soon after that (and your time with Mama alone definitely diminished quite a bit).  This year has been one of pushing limits.  You are struggling to see where your boundaries are.  Now that you are 3 you are officially a "big boy".  You ask when you will be big enough to watch Superman and Batman and other shows of a similar ilk. Soon enough, my son, soon enough.

Hiking with Dada

You are so very sweet (most of the time)...  you often spontaneously tell me how much you love me and give me sweet hugs and kisses.  I savor those moments as I know you won't always display your love for me with such candor.

On a Mama date in May

Your sister absolutely adores you and her face just lights up at your silly little antics.  It is not all smooth sailing but in general you two are often in cahoots.  :)   I hope that your relationship with your sister stays strong and that the bond you two are forming carries you through many life stages together.  I know you are an amazing big brother and I love the way you love her. <3 br="">

As this has been one of the busiest, most stressful and life-altering years of my life, I know it had to have been hard on you too.  You grow so fast, sometimes (particularly when holding a newborn in one hand and trying to keep track of the amazingly fast speed of which you grow and change) I just want to hit the pause button and enjoy you and your uniqueness where you are.  I love you little man. 

My 3rd Birthday

Love,
 Mama